Telling My Story…
I love to listen to people share their stories.
I am truly interested in life. In your life. In wanting to know about your experiences, hopes, dreams, fears.
I love to listen to people share their stories; but I’m slow to share my own.
Not that I’m shy – quite the opposite, I’m a total chatterbox! I just have a hard time sharing my own story.
I tend to talk a lot about my kids, my sweet hubs, my talented friends, my awesome family, my company… but,
I never share much about myself.
As I mentioned in my “One Surprise After Another" post – my life is far from normal these days.
Word about my recent health situation spread quickly through my hometown and through the blog-community too.
In what felt like an instant, my family and I were showered with love, prayers and support. It was amazing.
We were humbled by the outpouring of kindness that has been sent our way – from friends and strangers alike.
I will be forever grateful to everyone who lifted me up in prayer over these last few weeks, even without knowing all of the details of my situation. Your kindness has been such a comfort. Knowing that so many people were behind me, caring for me, praying with me; gave me a tremendous sense of peace and strength.
I appreciate all of the support that I have received and continue to receive! I love reading your emails, messages, texts – listening to your voicemails – reading your cards/letters --- each one warms my heart. SO many people have reached out to me asking for updates and for more details; I realize that I haven’t shared much publically and I apologize if our lack of information has alarmed anyone. It was never our intention to leave anyone in the dark. It’s just not easy for me to share my story. But, I’m going to try. Because this is my life – and it is a good one ;)
A few weeks back, I woke up one morning and I couldn’t stand up.
I was incredibly dizzy, lightheaded, short of breath, nauseous, and unable to stand. I thought maybe I had a very bad flu or that I was pregnant and having some serious morning sickness; I have never had anything like this happen. On and off for the past couple of months I’ve been having dizzy spells and feeling a bit run down, but nothing that I took too seriously, and nothing like what I experienced that morning. Being a typical, healthy, 29 year old mom; I powered through the pain. I started to get ready for the day. I figured the dizziness would ease up once I moved around a bit. I had a drink of water then started the shower. The dizziness did not let up and I collapsed in the shower. Thankfully my hubs was home that morning and was able to help me back to bed. I laid down for a bit, felt a little better, then went back to getting ready. I spent nearly 2 hours struggling around the house that morning. I would sit down, feel a little better, stand up to get ready, and immediately feel awful again.
Why we women can’t just allow ourselves to be sick, is beyond me!
I helped Iyla get ready for school and was trying with all of my might to get myself ready to leave too. When I realized that I was unable to stand long enough to walk to the car, I accepted that something was really wrong.
Craig drove Iyla to school while I called the doctor. They could see me at 4:00 that evening. It was 8:00am.
I will be forever grateful that on that particular day, Craig had a late start and was home until 11 am.
Because C was there to drive me and I knew I couldn’t drive myself, we made the decision to try an urgent care instead of waiting for the 4pm appointment. We took Viv to my mom’s house then headed to urgent care only to find out that they didn’t open until 10:00 :/ I thought about going home and just sleeping it off until my 4pm appt.
I Thank God that I didn’t.
Still not thinking I was sick enough to need to go to the hospital, Craig found out about another urgent care down the road and we headed over. All the while thinking that I had a bad flu and half-expecting them to give me a pregnancy test, tell me that I was pregnant and send me home.
I’m healthy young woman, what else could it be?!
Turns out, I was bleeding internally. I had lost so much blood that my blood pressure was dangerously low and to compensate my heart rate was spiking to dangerously high levels. I was rushed to a local hospital where I received two blood transfusions and some heart medication to stabilize me.
Just writing that, reliving that day; it still doesn’t feel real. This is not my normal life. This is a story.
Someone else’s adventure. How in the world this became my story, I do not know, but it doesn’t end there…
I was admitted to the hospital where I spent four days in the cardiac care center being monitored, tested, and medicated. Now I’m not a complainer, but the care I received at this hospital was awful! It’s a whole story in itself! They were unable to locate the source of the bleed or give us any insight as to why this happened or what would happen next. They stabilized me with medication and discharged me late Sunday evening. Coming home to my girls was a JOY beyond words. I am confident that the outpouring of love and prayers that I received that weekend were what pulled me through and healed me enough to get out of that horrible hospital! Prayer is SO powerful!
The very next morning I met with my UofM doctor and she set me up with a great team of specialists and doctors that are working together to figure out the source of the bleed. They are phenomenal! I am confident that they will help me to be fully healed and back to “normal” – In the first 24 hours of working with my new team I already had more information, answers, and guidance than I had received in all four days at the other hospital. It was great!
I was feeling comforted by all of the love I had been receiving, and really at peace with the direction I was heading.
But instinctively, something still just didn’t feel settled. Call it intuition. Call it what you may, I woke the next morning and I just knew…
It took less than 5 seconds for the test to turn positive.
In the midst of the wildest experience of my life – I found out that I was pregnant.
I couldn’t catch my breath.
I hit my knees and started praying to God – pleading “Dear Lord, Please let this baby be ok”
I was SO confused, why hadn’t the hospital confirmed this pregnancy? I had told them that I thought I could be! I was SO SO worried that something (the tests, the medications, my health condition) had hurt the baby.
It was surreal.
Within an hour we were on our way to meet with a high-risk OBGYN at UofM.
The doctor informed me that one of the procedures the hospital had performed could be detrimental to the pregnancy. He explained, that there is a very small (like one/two day) window of time, where the baby would potentially not be affected by the radiation from the procedure. IF the timing aligned, the pregnancy would go on as normal and the baby would not be affected. But, if the radiation testing had occurred at any other time in the pregnancy, the pregnancy would certainly fail. At this point, there was nothing more we could do.
For the second time in my life (and the second time that week) I was literally in shock.
Now, if you know me in real life, you will know I’m a bit of a “crunchy mumma” I try to live holistically all of the time, but especially when I am with child. I consider pregnancy a true privilege and the one chance we have here on Earth to assist God in a miracle. I am “that pregnant lady” – the one who avoids coffee and lunch meat, and cooking with the microwave. The realization that this radiation test, that under normal circumstances I would have never agreed to, could have possibly ended this pregnancy was truly devastating for me.
What do you do when you're weak? Do you run? Do you eat? Do you drink?
I pray non-stop. I pray like there is nothing else in the world to do but talk to God.
That week, it was literally all that I could do.
Thankfully, dozens of sweet people were praying with me, for me, (and while they didn’t know it yet) for my baby.
I am a believer.
I believe in God. I trust His timing.
I believe, that if we are honest, pure in heart, and positive in spirit – God will lead our path.
(Ok, Back to the story…)
*Flash forward a couple of weeks*
Baby N seems to be doing great! My recent health issues are not affecting the baby and the pregnancy is progressing well! By the MIRACLE of God, it seems timing lined up and the baby has be unaffected by the radiation. I have been able to see and hear little one’s heart beat! It is such a JOY to know our littlest love is thriving! Technically, this little one had all the odds stacked against him/her… THANKFULLY, I have A LOT of wonderful people in my life who believe in the power of prayer! Craig and I believe with all of our hearts, that ALL of the prayers that were said for my well being while I was in the hospital, were SO strong; they were able to not only give me strength, but to give this sweet love the strength he or she needed too. We will be eternally grateful!
As far as my medical situation goes - I am receiving outpatient care, so we spend a lot of time at the the hospital or the clinic having my hemoglobin checked and undergoing procedures to try to figure out why this happened. Two months ago, the only mark on my medical record was a routine tonsillectomy when I was 9.
When I think about how much my life story has changed in such a short time, it doesn’t feel real.
But, it is. This is my story. I’m just grateful to be here and to be able to share it with you!
It has been a challenging time for me and my family, and there is still a long road ahead. But I am positive that I am on the right track and will be back to my normal life and fun, glittery, crafty-mumma blog-posts, very soon! :)
Thanks for reading!